"I Don't Know What I Want": A Book Review & Helpful Analysis
I’ve had a sense of purpose most of my life. At least, I’ve always had something I’ve really wanted to do. When I was little, I was intent that I would get into Hogwarts at age eleven or join Scooby Doo and his gang (totally realistic goals). As I got older, I knew I wanted to be an archaeologist. Then, I knew I was going to be a film actress, which turned into stage actress as I entered college. Now, I know I want to work in administrative theatre and I know I want to write fiction. Each and every step along the way, I did everything in my power to ensure that I was moving towards my dreams- whether that meant attending eleven auditions a week or listening to the Harry Potter soundtrack on repeat for hours on end, I was working towards my goal.
Not everyone is like that. Some people don’t have strong professional ambitions like that, but rather personal ones. While my ambitions melded into a mission statement of, “I want to work doing what I love so that, even when it’s hard, it’s enjoyable,” some people live out their lives thinking, “I want to get the work part out of the way so that I can enjoy my personal life, relax, retire early, and live the good life.” And that’s fine- but you may be setting yourself up for a miserable and stressful work-life situation.
We all want to retire young; that’s everyones dream. But few of us get to do it. Rather than hope that their hard and disinteresting work pays off in the long run, I advise my friends and loved ones to find something they are passionate about and find a way to work on it professionally so that their time at work isn’t just a drain on their happiness. For example: when I’m running a theatre company (a job I've held twice now), I am happy. Even when it’s hard and I’m staring at spreadsheets and I don’t know how we’re going to accomplish what we’ve set out to do, I enjoy the work because it is fulfilling and I’m good at it.
In order to help one of my loved ones try to figure out what they could want to do professionally, I picked up a book: I Don’t Know What I Want, But I Know It’s Not This, by Julie Jansen. A pretty bold title, one that I think a lot of you can relate to. “I don’t know what profession would make me happy, but I’m pretty sure it’s not this one.” I read the book in hopes of finding a solution, or at least some helpful insights.
Well, as it turned out, the book was a bit of a bust. I don’t recommend it. It is filled with self-assessments ranging from moderately insightful to blindingly obvious, all in efforts to get the reader to understand what they want, why they want it, and how they might get it. Cool intent, lousy book. So don’t pick up the book, but perhaps you ought to consider some of the questions it posed to the reader:
What would be your ideal work situation, speaking realistically? Obviously, no one is going to pay you to sit on a beach and taste test margaritas. But perhaps someone might pay you to research beach resorts and analyze them for vacation recommendations.
Why is your current situation not working? Is the work enjoyable, but your environment is not? Or vice versa; is your environment tolerable, but you can’t stand the job? Does it emulate your values, or contradict them?
Why have you not made a job switch? Is it because money’s too tight? Are you making enough money in your current position to soon be able to quit or begin a job search? Or are you in a stalling pattern, always waiting for a better opportunity to appear but never seeking it out on your own?
Are you afraid of admitting what you think is a “mistake?” Do you fear you studied the wrong subject in college and that it will cost you in your career? Do you think that there’s no way to transition to another industry, since you’ve ingrained yourself in this one?
Are you afraid of making a “mistake?” That if you switch, you’ll take a pay cut that will kill your finances? Or that you’ll try something new and you’ll end up disliking it as well?
These are only a few of the questions to consider, but I encourage you to really think about them and ponder the questions that stem from these.
I also urge you to question if your ideal career will work for you. As an example, I didn’t stop acting because I decided I didn’t like it or was not good at it. In fact, I still act and get asked to attend auditions all the time. I LOVE acting. But I’ve decided not to make it my career because actors live highly unstable lives, moving constantly for the next role and never knowing where the next paycheck will come from. More than anything in this world, I know I want a husband and a family that I can spend all my time with- and I know that an actor’s life contradicts a family life in every way. I decided that acting was not as important as my future children and quickly turned to a career in theatre management that I’ve coincidentally been building and loving since high school.
No one is going to make these decisions but you, after conscious and sound reasoning. Nothing is going to change unless you push it to. Lucky breaks don’t happen as often as we’d like and, before you know it, you could’ve wasted half your life in a job you can’t stand. Life is in session and is too short to put off making big decisions that impact your happiness and satisfaction. Furthermore, work will always be work- but the difference between the average worker and professionals who have changed the world is passion. If you can find something you are passionate to spend your life on, you will find happiness and fulfillment. You’ll still want to retire early, but the interim period won’t be quite so painful.